Raising children with mental health conditions is challenging. I know what you are living thru with the moody child and the defiant child. Your patience wears thin and you just want them to just get up and do the things you need them to do. Your frustration leaks into your communication and walls go up. Instead of loving each other you are at war instead. Would you really tell someone how you feel if they had just told you that you were lazy or rude? You know you wouldn’t and probably have had a boss or two that has treated you like crap. How well did you work for them after they treated you with disrespect? Go back to a time where someone in your life judged you harshly. Remember those feelings and respond honestly. Would you really confide your feelings of fear and sadness to someone who you felt sat in judgement of you? When your family is struggling, take the time now to ask yourself why? Ask why without playing the blame game. When I began to examine my frustrations, I noticed much of my anger really came from a place of shame. I wanted my kids to act appropriately in public. When they did not, which was all time when I was fostering them, I would sometimes get frustrated. Part of the why for me was I cared more about what others thought of me then what my children thought of me. I cared about other’s perception of me than how my children felt. My daughter would sleep too much and then tell me she was tired all the time. I would get frustrated with her and we would argue. My anger was getting me nowhere. I was lucky my daughter and I had a good relationship otherwise or she may have stopped talking to me all together. My worry over not looking like the perfect family flew out the window when my daughter experimented with drugs to help her cope with her depression. When I stopped telling her how to do things and started asking her why she was feeling depressed, things start to change for her and us as a family. I want more than anything for you not to make the same mistakes I made. I would encourage you to start with these three steps:
A child with schizophrenia may need extra rest due to headaches that accompany the voices. A child with depression may feel restless or tired frequently. My daughter’s quality of sleep is naturally poor. She slept only a few hours and then would wake up again. She was in bed but never really rested. We found that sleeping medication helped her fall asleep and then sleep deeper. Quality of rest can make a hug difference in a person attitude and general health. If you are always tired, then getting out of bed is pointless. I used to assume that since she went to bed at 9 and I woke up at 7 that she had slept thru the night when I went to wake her up for school. It wasn’t till I stopped judging her as lazy that I really questioned her about how many hours did she actually sleep. She would dwell on the loss of her boyfriend and why kids at school didn’t like her. She tried to sleep to forget but never slept deep enough to be truly recharged. Better sleep is key to coping with mental illness. We can’t discount or ignore our loved ones’ thoughts and feelings just because we don’t understand them. We have to do better than that. We have to go counseling with them. We have to validate them in meetings with doctors. We have to find ways to build trust so they feel open enough to share what’s really going on.
3 Comments
Sheandi richins
5/14/2017 08:15:30 am
Wow....love ur words. Listening to people's feelings, caring about our children's feelings vs.what the public thinks, creating a safe environment to open up to......love this Melinda!
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Melinda
5/17/2017 02:26:52 am
Thank You! for always cheering me on. You taught me not to judge myself. Judgement is a waste of energy...
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Yoon
12/1/2017 04:27:41 am
I admire your courage to believe in the power of sharing your stories with others. I also just read your article on NAMI Advocate and came to visit your great blog. Thank you so much for all the wonderful strategies to raise a child with memtal illness. Thank you also for addressing the importance of self-care on the part of family caregivers providing care for their loved ones!
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